Dear Cupid
by Randomonium
Summary: Dear Cupid, we need to talk about your aim. Love, Temari. ShikaTema, rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Cupid

**Dear Cupid**

Dear Cupid

We need to talk about your aim.

Do you find sadistic pleasure in making me fall in- I'm not saying it- in making me fall in you-know-what with someone with whom it just wouldn't work out?

I mean, aside from the fact that we live in DIFFERENT VILLAGES, we're also complete opposites. And I hate him. Well… I would, if it weren't for _you_. His whole demeanour is displeasing to me and… I just don't like it. He's so bloody apathetic! And to top it all off, he doesn't even like me. Not even platonically.

Let's face it- you really fucked up.

Seriously, were you drunk? You shouldn't play with weapons when you're drunk. Or drugged, because that's another possibility. Where do you hide your stash? Seeing as you've majorly messed up my life, maybe you could be kind and give me some. I could use something to get my mind off things. Right now I'm using chocolate, and that's just gonna make me FAT.

I just can't win, can I? It's all your fault.

Or maybe you weren't intoxicated. Maybe you are a sadistic bastard and you enjoy playing with my life and royally FUCKING IT UP. And not just my life, actually (even though you did a damn good job at that). Now that I think of it, you've messed up half of Konoha's love life. I mean, Team 7 for example- now that's fucked up. And why did you make so many people go for Sasuke? I mean, Sakura, Ino- you ruined a friendship there, shame on you- Orochimaru, and I'm suspicious about Naruto. And Hinata! Kami, but did you mess up there. It's obvious to anyone with half an eye that she's tripping over Naruto- everyone's noticed. Everyone except Naruto, that is. He's too busy mooning over Sakura (and Sasuke). But poor Hinata. You made her fall for the biggest idiot on Earth.

_He_ isn't an idiot. Oh no, quite the opposite. And d'ya know what? I don't know what's worse.

I don't like idiots much, not in a romantic sense anyway. But I don't know if I like genii either.

Thanks to, it seems I do. Well, a certain genius in any case.

A certain lazy, unmotivated, apathetic, chauvinist, annoying, lazy (have I mentioned that before?), sweet, caring, charming, gorgeous, sexy genius.

I JUST CALLED HIM GORGEOUS!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

He's NOT gorgeous. He's not even that attractive. But… somehow, at the same time, he inexplicably _is._

And I'll be darned if that makes any sense at all.

Are your arrows poisonous? Do they have like a… oh I don't know, slow-acting insanity poison on them?

Because what with all these thoughts running through my mind, I _cannot _be sane.

D'you know what I thought the other day? I thought- get this- throught about kissing him.

KISSING him.

Kissing HIM.

_KISSING HIM!!_

And… doing more, but… I do try not to think of that, it has a funny effect on me.

Right so let me lay this out for you.

I you-know-what him.

Unfortunately.

Here's the pros and cons of the situation:

PROS

-He's gorgeous, in a weird way.

-He's sexy (again, in a weird way).

-He smells good (Shut up. He does. It's like fresh grass and… just shut up.).

-He's incredibly loyal.

-He cares about his friends.

-He's great company- when he feels like it.

-He has a sexy voice (No, seriously. Have you heard him lately?).

-He's not actually a bad ninja.

-I you-know-what him.

CONS

-He's lazy.

-He's chauvinistic.

-He's unmotivated.

-He's unambitious.

-He BEAT me. And then had the nerve to _give up_.

-He's a crybaby.

-He's apathetic.

-He just _doesn't care_.

-He's wormed his way into my mind.

-He makes me think about him ALL THE TIME.

-He lives in another village!

-I you-know-what him.

So there's what's up.

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

You and your stupid arrows, shooting whoever you feel like, and making them fall in love, and ultimately MESSING UP THEIR LIVES.

You need to get a new hobby. Desperately.

Is there any way to undo what you've done? Like some sort of ancient spell or some shit?

I wanna know it.

Because hey, you shot me, great, but oops, guess what?

YOU FORGOT TO SHOOT HIM!

Kami, you're useless.

_I _would do a better job than you. NARUTO would do a better job than you.

But… agh.

I hate him. And I you-know-what him. I hate him because I you-know-what him.

And it's all because of your lousy aim.

The entire mess is just so trou-annoying.

Humph.

I hate you.

Indignantly yours,

Temari.


	2. Chapter 2

"…

"….Temari?"

"What?"

"What's this?"

"What's wh- oh, _shit._"

"… Temari, don't beat your brains out."

"You read it, didn't you?"

"Uh…"

"Don't lie to me, Nara."

"…Yes."

"… Shit."

"Temari, stop beating your brains out!"

"Why should I do th-mmph!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What the fuck was that?"

"I believe it is called a kiss."

"No shit, Sherlock. I meant _why_?"

"Because I like you."

"…"

"Temari. Breath. Please."

"You WHAT?"

"Um, I like… you. Actually, troublesome as it may be, I think I you-know-what you."

"…Shut up and kiss me, Shadow-Boy."

_Okay, so maybe your aim isn't so off after all._

-END-

**A/N: Just a short thing I came up with yesterday. Just a bit of fun. Hope you enjoyed it (I know I enjoyed writing it) so PLEASE tell me what you thought!!**

**In layman's terms, REVIEW!!**

** Thanks in advance!! (Can you feel the pressure?)**


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